My 46er Journey - Part 11 - Tabletop and Phelps

September 2018 was an emotional month, for the first time I broke down in a meeting, I felt such loss, such pain, such helplessness, for the first time since getting sober I had to experience feelings and emotions I hadn't felt in a long time.  I did what I was told to do, I kept on, I pushed myself to get up and run, to talk about things, to hurt, to cry, and to love.  I slowly began to heal, though it sure as hell didn't feel like it yet.  Hindsight is always 20/20, and looking back I did exactly what I was supposed to do, and as the days went on, I slept better and thought less.  A lesson that would surely be put to the test again in the future.

October came around and of course, it was time to head back up the road.  This time Laura joined us again, but unlike the last time, she was coming in to the woods with us to experience the interior for the first time.  I was excited to show her what this was all about, I wanted her to see what it was that drew me in, why this meant so much to me, and in hopes she would start to enjoy it too.  The drive up was a lot easier than the last time, no blizzards, no busted cars, just a simple drive up to the soon to be great white north.

We arrived early in the morning and slept in the car for a few hours.  At day break, we geared up and hit the trail.  The first stop was Marcy Dam, this was my 3rd visit to the dam but since Laura was with us, it was photo op time.  Dan and I took a photo at the remains of the dam on our first trip, so I wanted one with Laura.  Then we headed on, our next destination was the campsites just below the Phelps trail.  We stopped and dropped our gear, set up tents, and headed back out.  Tabletop was our first peak of the trip, and Laura's first high peak.  It was cool, wet, and muddy, typical Adirondacks.  At the break to the herd path we saw our first bit of snow, it wasn't much, but enough for us southerners to get excited.  Laura struggled heading up the mountain, we encouraged her and had a few groups of other hikers that we shuffled places with a few times.  Her exhaustion set in during the last 3/4 of a mile and when I would let her know of a wet spot to not step in, she just decided to do it anyways.  Of course her feet started getting wet, and next they would get cold.

We made it to the top, what a view of Mount Marcy!!  We all took it in and shared our success together.  What a great moment, I was so proud of her for sticking it out and making it up, but I was getting worried about her feet, we still had to spend a night out and it was going to get cold.  We headed back down the mountain and back to camp, once there I got Laura in the sleeping bag and got her shoes and socks off to start to try warm her feet.  She was starting to be in pain from the cold and knew if they didn't warm up quick we were going to have to bail.  Fortunately, they began to warm some and we were able to stay.  The plan was to wake early the next day and tackle Phelps.  It was supposed to snow overnight, but not much so we figured the earlier the better before the ice starts to warm and get slippery.

Morning came and we dusted off our tents of the little bit of snow that had been coming down.  Laura was tired, cold, and her feet were still hurting so she decided to stay behind.  Dan and I decided to just quickly head up and down to get back and get her out.  The trip up was fairly easy, and we were making great time.  About a half mile before the summit we hit the ice we were expecting, we quickly put on our spikes and a warmer jacket and made our way to the top.  Just like a movie, the closer we got the more the snow picked up and once we hit the top it was coming down pretty good.  It made for such a beautiful scene.  A few minutes of taking in the views and a couple of photos and it was time to head back down.

Dan and I had one of our last great conversations on our way back down.  I had been dealing with some stuff with my brother at the time and was really uncertain as to what to do, but I talked to Dan about it and he gave me some great advice as always.  This was always my favorite part about these trips, was working through life together.  Learning what to do, and what not to do.  Having someone I could trust to talk through things and who will be honest with me about it.

We got back to camp to find Laura feeling much better and rested up.  We broke camp and packed up and made our way out.  It snowed lightly the whole way out, which made for a perfect setting to end another great trip.  Back in the car and headed back home.  Next month's trip would be a lot different as the snow will have moved in and it will be much colder.  This would be our 2nd winter climbing the high peaks and I was getting very excited.  Changes were happening all around me, and I couldn't have  been happier.

My 46er Journey - Part 10 - Haystack and Basin

September 2018 came fast and it was time to head back to the Adirondacks.  This trip however was to be much different, from the planning stages, through the end.  I wrote about this trip briefly in a previous post regarding my first time participating in 46 Climbs, you can find that post here.  I kept that entry short and left out some key points which were to be incorporated more in to this series, so hold tight cause this one is an emotional rollercoaster.

Many things were different about this trip since before we even got in the car.  For the first time, I was bringing my son Nicholas with me up to the Adirondacks.  He had done some climbs back home in Virginia with me a few times, but this was to be his first real test in the mountains.  Dan picked him up and headed over and we hit the road.  Not only was my son coming with me, I was also participating in 46 Climbs for the first time, and even better, Sunday September 2nd was my 3 year sobriety anniversary.  This trip also marked the first time we brought food with us, what a difference maker that became!!  Chicken sandwiches, eggs bacon and potatoes, and no Burger King, life was good and we felt like kings.

We hit the trail early Friday morning and headed to John's Brook Lodge, we were going to camp at the sites just past the lodge and made great time getting there.  We decided to set up camp and grab some grub before heading out.  We knew we had a long day ahead of us as we planned to get 3 peaks so fuel was a necessity.  Nicholas was doing great and keeping up, I was so happy to have my boy with me, and Dan was being Dan cracking jokes, smiling, and helping to lead the way.

We slogged our way up to Haystack, it was a busy day and we passed many hikers along the way.  After scrambling up to Little Haystack and then finally realizing we were at the wrong summit, we made it the rest of the way to Haystack for Nicholas' first high peak.  We relaxed for a few minutes and snacked.  We were socked in the clouds and couldn't see anything, but a slight break in the sky above us shown some blue and that energized us to carry on.  We headed over to Basin, by this time the long drive and lack of rest was catching up with us and our pace slowed.  The scrambles up the mountain were fun and Nicholas really enjoyed them.  We found our way to the top as the winds were picking up and the clouds were thickening.  We had never heard of the Saddleback cliffs which were in our route to the next peak.  We were informed by some other guys at the summit of Basin of them and with the rocks being slippery and uncertainty of what may lie ahead, we decided to forego Saddleback for another day.

This was a tough call for me as I was climbing for charity today, but also because we had now orphaned a peak in the middle of the great range.  At some point, we would have to come back for it.  We slowly made our way back to camp and the sun set on another beautiful day in the mountains.  Returning back to Slant Rock we ran in to an older gentleman who seemed to be in some trouble.  The man was shoeless, apparently his boots blew out coming down Mt Marcy and he had hiked back barefoot.  Andy was his name, an Adirondack veteran of about 70 years of age.  Dan gave him his crocks and asked if he needed anything else.  After making sure he was going to be ok for the night, we proceeded back to our camp.

We were all exhausted and after a brief meal we were out cold for the night.  The next morning we woke early, ate breakfast, and broke camp.  It was about that time that we saw Andy pass by with 2 other hikers carrying his pack for him.  It was nice to see he made it through the night and was safe and on his way home.  We headed out and eventually caught up with the group and hiked out together.  Andy and Dan were cutting up the whole time and made for a fun walk out of the woods.

Back in the car and headed home, we took our time getting back but were all anxious to sleep in a bed.  It was my anniversary and felt great to have started it in the woods with a man I called a brother and my son.  I was on top of the world once again, and once again, reality was about to set in.  I got back home and went about with life.  I celebrated with some great friends that week and things were going great.  I had been working with a boy named TJ for a few months and the week prior he had called to tell me he wasn't going to be attending meetings anymore, I didn't answer the phone but had talked to him through text.  I told him I would call him later that day to talk, he didn't answer.

Thursday night after my meeting Laura and I were sitting outside talking when I got a phone call around 10pm.  I'll never forget those words, "Did you hear about TJ?  He died".  Even now 2 years later writing this I well up with tears.  He had the most beautiful smile and could light up a room just by walking in it, his eyes cried of a boy who just wanted to be OK, a man who loved his son more than anything, he was genuine, loving, and funny.  I loved him so much, and always will.  I hardly slept that night, Laura and I laid in bed silent, I gazed at the ceiling and just couldn't comprehend that he was gone.

A group of us attended his funeral the following week and it was incredibly difficult.  I got to meet his family and tell them who I was, and who we were.  They were very appreciative of the help we had given him over the previous months, however they will never know the impact he had on me.  I'll never forget him and every year on my anniversary I make sure to make it known that while I am celebrating, myself, his family, and his beautiful son are all grieving for the loss of the most amazing young man I've ever known.  

I love you and miss you TJ.